This isn’t what I wanted to write, but I wanted to say something. I needed to say something. It’s just… this virus thing is… so… H-U-G-E, affecting everything. From personal life and intimacy to international politics and economics, our lives have been turned upside down. Honestly, my life hasn’t changed that much — I had been staying in mostly and didn’t socialize much — but in another way, it changed one thousand percent.I feel small, wary, and on guard.
Since March 2020, I can’t relax. I’m of a certain age and have some medical conditions that make COVID-19 more of a health risk for me than others. I’m also caring for an elderly parent and need to stay healthy to attend to her needs. In the beginning I would not go out at all. I listened to the news all day. I commiserated with my friends and family. I was consumed by COVID-19.
Toilet paper aisle at Target, March 15, 2020. ©JustHavingFun
And I was consumed by obtaining toilet paper for my mother when none was in the stores.
Gradually I allowed myself to go shopping every two weeks or so. It was a necessity; there weren’t enough healthy shoppers to fill the demand and the online reservations filled instantly. Shopping, a reluctant routine now, substitutes for social outings I’m missing. Hand sanitizer attached to my key lanyard, masks in car and shopping list in hand, I zip through the store. I try not to be the “mask police” but sometimes it’s necessary. I can’t avoid telling people wearing masks below their noses to pull them up, over the nose, explaining, “I’m a Covid Tracer,” as if that will bulletproof me from their surprise, compliance, anger, or whatever attitude they want to turn my way.
Here it is October already and I’m still consumed with the virus. So yeah, COVID-19, or SARS-CoV-2, dominates my day. I work as a Contact Tracer for the Health Department. My job entails talking to people who have tested positive for the virus. I instruct them how to isolate properly and how long to stay isolated in order to protect their families and members of the public from their contagiousness. I interview them about places they’ve been and people they may have been in contact with in the period before they learned they were infected. I answer questions they may have about the virus, why they must stay isolated for 10 days, and how to enter back into public life. Some are really sick, others don’t feel any different than normal. Some are grateful and thank me, fewer are defensive and avoid follow up calls. I’ve encountered all types of people, all precious souls who deserve dignity and respect.
What I say to everyone all comes down to 3 basic instructions: wear a mask, wash your hands, watch your distance.
How to Protect Yourself & Others: Wear a mask, Wash your hands, Watch your distance. Image: cdc.gov/coronavirus
I talk warmly to my cases, congratulate them for taking steps to quarantine themselves before they had official results when that’s the case. I help them figure out how to keep their kids safer and send them links to CDC articles outlining all sorts of information. I tell them their smell and taste may be slower to come back after they recover from other symptoms. I tell them to have chicken soup, advice from me, the Jewish mother, and not me, the representative from the Health Department. I warn them to stay vigilant, that a person can become infected a second time, supported by a genetic study reported in The Lancet on October 12, 2020. I tell them if they feel worse to call 911, not to scare them, but to inform them.
When I get off the phone with my clients, I give them blessings. “I hope you feel better and recover soon,” and “I hope your family remains healthy.” They absorb my words and shine them back at me. I close my eyes, speak sincerely, and send these messages with love and hope.
Masked Me, August 2020. ©JustHavingFun
I’m grateful I can do my bit in the universe to prevent others from becoming infected. I hope my efforts have some positive effect. But oh, I suffer hearing how many are infected, how the virus is spreading, and worst, how many have died. Politics interfered with halting the spread of the virus in the United States. It shouldn’t have. Science must prevail if there is to be a level-headed way to manage this public health crisis. It’s going to be a while until an effective, safe vaccine can be developed… and distributed. The newest crisis of our generation, like Kennedy’s assassination, the Viet Nam War, or where you were on 9/11, this will be something to tell my grandchildren about: what I did during the COVID-10 pandemic.
Until then, I’ll be wearing my mask, keeping up with developments, and trying not to be consumed. My fear has abated — perhaps due to familiarity and having a routine — but I’m still staying home, choosing the bubble, eschewing seeing my friends and family in person, and staying small.
Diamonds are small, too.